I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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