We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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