I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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