; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
