fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
