I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
