She's JV to your varsity
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
