She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
