Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
