Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
