We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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