You're my little dorito
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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