Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
