It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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