Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
