could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
