Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
