walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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