Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
