Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
50% drunk capacity currently
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
