im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
