I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
