i just had sex bonerless
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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