apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
