Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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