I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
