Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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