which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
