He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
