that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
