We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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