I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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