I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
