High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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