Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
