and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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