i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
