Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's the barista slut.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
