so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry about my life...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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