yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
