I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I have post one night stand depression
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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