So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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