I am puke
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
