I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
