Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
