coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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