Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
