I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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