Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
