glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
