Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
