my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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