It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
