I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Alive.
So much puke
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
