and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
