apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
