Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
