They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
