I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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