well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
